A Leaf

When Rylee was a few weeks old, she would stare out of the car window with a big gummy grin. It took me a few weeks to figure out how drawn she is to trees. Whenever I take the dogs out, she lifts her head high, examining the shapes and colors.

Her non-blood but equally important Grandmother gave us large flash cards. One set was a large collection of leaves. I set them up on Rylee's changing table. She pulls them toward her trying to eat a Maple Sycamore.

This past weekend, a wedding in Vermont prompted a vacation for Doug, Rylee and I. After we stuffed the car with every single contraption a baby needs (and doesn't need), I pulled off Rylee's sunshade so she could enjoy the burnt oranges and rusty reds of changing leaves.

***

As a skinny twig of a 13 year-old, I was content with spending my summer with my three best friends. Christina and I would loaf around her parents pool, go to the movies and swoon over Leonardo (Ugh. I know.). Michele and I would sit in her room listening to music. Anthony and I would run up and down the block with our bikes. Each of us shared an innocence that I am grateful for.

One afternoon Anthony and I walked to the top of our street. There was a loud sound blaring from the corner house. "What's that?" I shrugged my shoulders and when we moved closer I could hear that it was Metallica. The boy who lived in that house ended up joining the cluster of us spending the summer on the block; he was my first crush.

The first crush teaches you a few things:

1. Start brushing your hair.
2. Imagine yourself as the singer of that desperately cheesy love song.
3. There is going to be someone other than your family/friends in your life.

Like many youthful crushes, ours lasted less than the summer. When the fall came, we remained friends. Then, he moved from the block and eventually, I did too.

***

About three weeks into my relationship with Doug, I was in Ohio helping a friend run for Congress. Doug called me from a concert with friends. He was talking to them about his new relationship and when showing a picture of me, his friend said, "that's Stacy."

Let's take a little break from this musing to explain. Stacy is my childhood name. My mother despised the nickname Ana and asked people to call me Stacy instead. This stuck until I got to college and started going by my legal name. So, the only way you'll hear Stacy is if you are listening to a group of my childhood friends chat or if my mother and brother are occupying a room.

And we're back on track...

Doug said, "Ummm. Yea. That's what her Mom calls her."

It just so happened that my first crush moved into the town Doug grew up in. At that new school, he started dating Doug's best friend. The universe doing universey things without any of us knowing.

***

When we got their wedding invitation in the mail, I pinned it to the cork board with a huge grin on my face. Rich and Bridget have been together since High School. Bridget was Rylee's first babysitter. When Rylee was born, Bridget rushed to the hospital, plopped in the seat by my hospital bed ready to hold her "niece."

Driving in the car with a sunset hue masked over the trees, I breathed in all the change. Rylee cooed and giggled to the sweeping colors.

We arrived in time to unpack, get dressed and drive to the church. The wedding was filled with love. Bridget and Rich danced with adoration in their eyes. I cried at the best man/maid of honor/father of the groom speeches. Someone did a split on the dance floor. Rylee got lots of pictures with the Bride. Watching them with champagne glasses in hand, standing close to one another, I was saturated in nostalgia. We were experiencing life as a colorful transformation.

When the boys went out for cigars, a James Taylor song came on. Every couple got up and danced. Rylee snuggled in my arms and closed her eyes. I witnessed how much people can love, how much they can change, and I squeezed my daughter even closer.

***

The next morning, the wind made a presence. It twisted in the trees and leaves scattered everywhere. We have grown into better versions of our young selves. We let change take us with a gust. We flew to high heights, drifted to lows and back up again.

Today, I am but a simple leaf.
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